Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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