You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
