Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
