Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
