The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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