so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
