Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
