Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
