oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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