Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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