She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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