I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
