the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
