You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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