everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
