He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
