The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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