Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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