I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
