That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
