you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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