You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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