dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
