i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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