I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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