Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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