I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize