What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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