two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm passing your future prison.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
