I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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