Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pants are for mortals
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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