just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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