I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
