It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
