Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
