we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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