It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
