I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
