okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
