some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
