A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
