My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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