I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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