happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
