these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
