hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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