you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
