The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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