ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
