How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
