how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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