I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
