so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
