im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
