tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize