im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
