Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
