i already hear my dad disowning me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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