I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
