Say something about gay babies.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
