Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
