I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
