I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
