I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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