I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Randomize
