bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
PANTIES FOUND
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
