Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
