i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
