That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
